I want to update.

1. I officially quit taking guitar lessons yesterday. I decided I was going to do this about a week or so ago, because I was convinced that “I didn’t have time” for it. Of course this isn’t true—if you love something enough, you’ll make time for it, and if you’re responsible, you’ll always have space to breathe. That, anyway, is what I believe. However, as unfortunate as it is, none of the above apply to me and much less to my relationship with my guitar. I’ve always love the idea of the guitar and being a superb guitar player, but I get frustrated when I practice, and then I stop practicing. I’ve always loved the idea of writing songs and being a songwriter, too, but, of course, I don’t do that either. As such, I told Jack that I was “a bad person”, which, to most dedicated musicians, I probably am. I told him the news like it was no big deal, but he responded with an incredulous “What???” as if to say “Are you seriously serious?” I explained the situation to him, and he still thought I was insane, but he accepted it after he did eventually figure I was serious. We went through some last theory-related things, said our good byes, and that was it. I didn’t feel like it was such a big deal initially—I even answered with a calm “about two years” when we recalled how long we’d been studying together—but afterward, when I was walking to the car, I was overcome with an immense empty feeling. I couldn’t quite place the feeling. I felt it was at least somewhat foreign or if not foreign, it was something I hadn’t felt in such a long time that I’d forgotten I’d ever felt it. It was bad. I almost cried, but I didn’t. I promised to visit a couple of times before college, and I will. I felt like maybe I was losing a friend, which, technically speaking, we were not, but we were pretty close as teachers and students go. What teacher genuinely cares about a student and gives of themselves by taking the time and energy to make a connection? There are few adults, much less teachers, I can spend an entire thirty minutes with without running out of things to say, so I feel as though I’m losing…something. But anyway, I will, of course, find any excuse I possibly can to visit Andy’s.

2. Eh. The election. Next time I’ll be sure to stay better informed so my opinion can actually be supported by something and is valid. That is all.

3. The poetry project. Um. What is there to say but “Um”? I haven’t read quite enough yet, but from what I have read, Jane Kenyon wasn’t exactly what I pictured her as being. I regret not having taken her husband (Donald Hall) or Mark Strand (who was later claimed). E. E. Cummings was of course taken by Jian. Yarg. But I’m just being a brat. I’m sure she’s great, and I’m sure I’ll live. Thanks for the books, Meg!

4. I attended the Christian Club meeting today. After having gone to the first couple of meetings of the year, I initially decided to not go anymore, but then I thought about what God wanted, and I concluded that…that’s probably not what God wants. I’m called to be a witness in schools to unbelievers, but I’m also called to be a Christian to other Christians. I guess I was a little discouraged by the fact that the club and the members weren’t exactly what I pictured Christians to be. But then again it’s me, and I think every Christian should be their best for God every second. While they should be, I keep forgetting that it’s not always practical to think this way all the time. Besides, I’m a sinner, too, right? And I’m still learning, too. Anyway, one of the things I was discouraged about initially was that there was so much silence during what should have been the discussion portion of the meeting. I was hesitant to give of myself at the first few meetings, which I later regretted, so I participated a bit at this one. It was good. Some good things were said, and some good points were made. I wonder, though, if I could possibly lead a meeting in the near future. I want to affect other Christians, because we may know the truth, but we may not always be aware or educated of what God has in mind, and I think I’ve become ever more conscious of many of those things, and I want to share, because it does no good for others if one keeps knowledge to oneself. Anyway, I’ll ask Mr. Fabrizzio, who’s pretty awesome. I love seeing adults minister to young people, because they know the struggles of life, and they have understanding that we lack. I hope to be so wise one day, haha.

5. I happened upon Mr. Cafone while I was exiting the building. My first instinct was to go in the direction opposite his, but after a few seconds, I realized how stupid that was, and I went and talked to him about not applying for the Governor’s School nomination. He took it surprisingly well, and said that my reasoning was very logical. As I’ve told several people, I don’t feel as though the few pieces I do have are up to par. I don’t doubt that I’d contribute great things, but having the mind of a writer and being a writer are two very different things, and as far as creative writing goes, I’m really not so sure. I actually feel much less pressure now, so it’s all good. I hope to work more on my stuff on my own time this year.

6. My birthday’s in two weeks. How crazy is that? I look forward to seeing what a wild twenty-four hours Nic and Sotto have planned for me. ;D